Some days are a little more difficult than others. Today has been sort of a rough one.
It’s the eve of my sixtieth birthday.
Oh. My. God.
Six. Oh.
You know, I’ve always tended to dismiss the importance of birthday rituals. I just haven’t had much use for them…who needs yet one more reminder of another year gone? For me, it’s typically the thought: I’ve traversed another 365 days…and I’m still alone.
I guess I’ve most always, most years, wanted to just breeze on by the whole birthday scene.
As I prepare to mark the big day tomorrow, I’m realizing that I’ve now lived twice as many years as I thought I would. Some of you have likely heard me say (because this is what I truly believed) that I didn’t feel like I’d ever live past thirty. And, now…well, here I am.
Who woulda thunk?
Tomorrow will be a normal day at work: meetings virtually all day long. I’m new here, and of course nobody knows it’s this particular day in my life. I’ll spend the day among others, but totally alone.
And, this will be a year when I can’t even expect a call from my best friend. We’ve had a tradition of sending cards and calling each other on birthdays, even when we’re totally out of touch…but this year seems to be different. She’s just moved on and I’ve indicated a desire for no contact.
This year, especially…alone in a new place, with a landmark day staring me in the face…I’m not in the happy place that I’d like to be for the occasion.
Where’s the party when you really want one?
Soundtrack Suggestion
Only the lonely
Know the heartaches I’ve been through
Only the lonely
Know I cried and cried for you
(“Only The Lonely” – Roy Orbison)