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Notably Quoted

And if what you’re afraid of is to take a wrong step at any moment in any direction, that can be limiting. It’s good for an artist to try things. It’s good for an artist to be ridiculous.
Sheila Heti in How Should a Person Be?: A Novel from Life (p. 18)

...that which we manifest is before us; we are the creators of our own destiny. Be it through intention or ignorance, our successes and our failures have been brought on by none other than ourselves.
Garth Stein in The Art of Racing in the Rain (p. 43)

Visitors Since 1/1/06

Would You Say a Few Words?

Last Friday (May 10, 2013) I was asked, by our campus president, to “say a few words” at the grand opening of the College of Marin’s new ScienceŸ-Math-ŸNursing building. After being introduced by the president, here is what I said:

Thank you very much, President Coon.

Good afternoon, everyone. It is wonderful to see all of you here today on this very special occasion.

You know, I was here back in late 2009 when we broke ground for this new facility, and I’m almost sure I remember one of the speakers observing “what a great day this is for the College of Marin.” Well, I must admit: I think this is an even greater day as we celebrate the official opening of our new science math nursing facility.

The building that stands behind me is an amazing space to sharpen our focus on student learning and student success here at the college.

We do talk a lot about student success these days.  And rightfully so. I believe that there are a whole range of factors that contribute to student success, and surely a positive learning environment has to rank near the top.

Among the factors of a positive learning environment, I believe, are instructors who are knowledgeable in their content areas, skilled at communicating with others, facilitating student learning, and able to do it in caring and supportive ways. We have a cadre of highly-skilled full-time and part-time instructors in this building who do all of that very well.

Another very important part of a positive learning environment - and I guess I’m talking a little bit about my philosophy of  education here - is the physical space where that learning takes place. With the availability of this new science math nursing building, we now have a first-rate facility comprised of classrooms and labs that are firmly situated in the 21st century. We are very lucky. Our already outstanding programs in the sciences, in math, and in nursing have gotten a very big boost with the creation of this building. I would like to thank the citizens of Marin County for extending their vote of confidence in us and in voting for the resources to make this space a reality.

My most sincere thanks to you all.



[For a collection of my photos taken during the construction phase of the ScienceŸ-Math-ŸNursing building, click here.]

Roto-Rooter & Recovery: Part 5 

Continued from Part 4

Just after the three-month post-surgical mark, I had another follow-up appointment with my urologist. I had had some significant time to recover since the surgery, of course, and I wasn’t doing too badly. I was mostly-healed internally; thankfully, I had stopped peeing pink liquid. The continuing complaints I had were urgency and frequency with regard to my bladder behavior. I was also unhappy with the persistent tightness in my pelvic area that coincided with those symptoms and resulted in more trips to the restroom than I was really comfortable with. And the number of times I awoke during the night, to get up to urinate, continued to be problematic.

During this particular chat with the urologist, I made the observation that after years, yes decades, of frequent bathroom visits, I believed both my body and mind were still products of their long-term behavioral training. Despite the surgery, it appeared, my system was so accustomed to the bathroom ritual that it continued on, despite the radical intervention.

The doc seemed to agree, and named other cases he had had that were similar to mine. He indicated that he been thinking about a strategy to address this condition: unfortunately, it involved yet another medication. He recommended a small dose of a low-risk, low-side-effect drug to control bladder behavior. (“It’s so mild they can give this to infants,” he said.) Although I wasn’t thrilled to take on yet another long-term medication (I had just recently disposed of my stash of Flomax, which I had been on for years), it seemed like a reasonable thing to try … especially when he indicated that we could view this as a temporary fix until my body could re-train itself. The drug involved is Oxybutynin, and I have been taking the 5-mg pill once a day since March 16, 2012 (just over thirteen months now).

For me, Oxybutynin has been only a partial solution. I had a short-term adjustment period getting used to the side effects (mostly dry mouth), but my body gradually came around to accepting the drug. And, over time, the tightness in my pelvic area became less pronounced and my bladder better behaved. However, given that I’m still taking it, this has obviously become a longer-term “temporary” fix than I’d anticipated.

A few months after I’d started on the Oxybutynin I was still having problems with frequency, so I was referred to a physical therapist specializing in bladder issues. (Yes, really, there are such therapists!) The whole physical-therapy experience will be the topic of my next entry.

To be continued…

What Now?

There are those periods in any lifetime, comprised of hours, days, weeks, or sometimes longer, that lead you to question much of what’s come before. Have you ever noticed that? … for WHAM!, there you are, minding your own business, and suddenly, unexpectedly, this or that happens. And it’s at that point you come to question: Is this my life? Really?

I have a love-hate relationship with these interludes, for as good as they typically turn out, when I’m in the midst of it all, feelings of loss, ambiguity, confusion and pain are frequent visitors. Happily, a sense of excitement and wonderment can be part of it as well. It can be tragic. As well as magic.

Here’s what’s going on right now.

I met a woman online a short time ago. When she sent me a brief note of introduction, and I went to read her profile, I thought: amazing. We met for coffee the first time, and afterwards I wrote her a follow-up email, using that word; when she wrote back she said, yes, our connection for a first meeting was amazing.

After having lunch together for a second date, she discovered this blog. She apparently read quite a few entries and her emailed comments to me included:

… you have shared your personal history, dreams, joys, challenges, disappointments and vulnerabilities. Your words can so resonate that one moment I find myself laughing out loud, the next deeply moved to tears … [and] this is beginning to create a heart connection that is both surprising and much welcomed.  As I tried to convey in my online profile, in addition to intellectual and physical compatibility, I’m looking for deep mutual closeness based on emotional intimacy, conscious communication, psychological awareness and spiritual alignment … 

All told, we got together five times in two weeks. During the last date, a hike along a local trail, we, for the first time, held hands. At the conclusion of our time outdoors, we went back to her place for a while, at which point she indicated that our relationship would not be going any further. “I cannot give my heart to a man whose heart is in Oregon,” she stated.

Holy crap, I said to myself. And here I thought things were going so well.

But, during those two weeks we spent together, I had taken a quick trip to Portland for a job interview. I had had phone and Skype interviews before she sent me that first note. When I was up there on campus, I know I performed well and that the selection committee liked me. The president of the college, an old friend of mine, called me after the formal process was over to express her support. It seemed I was on a trajectory for a job offer. Of course, I didn’t keep this a secret, as the possibility of my departure was a very big deal. Still, the relationship seemed to be progressing normally, especially as evidenced by the “heart-connection” email. You know, and the whole hand-holding thing that very morning.

However, even before the outcome of the job process was clear, she called it quits, severing the possibility of any romantic relationship, though leaving open the prospect of “friendship.” I passed on that option.

Then, as anticipated, the very next evening, I did receive the job offer (by email, minus any details such as salary). When, after three more days, the terms were clarified, it seemed apparent this was not the place for me. While they said they wanted me, their budget was apparently not flexible enough to back up that claim. And other issues seem to be forbidden topics of conversation as well (e.g., vacation days). All in all: it was very strange and uncomfortable.

You know, it wasn’t that long ago I believed I’d do anything for a ticket back to Oregon. Interestingly, that has turned out not to be the case. I respectfully declined their offer, with only modest hesitation.

And, the truth is, I feel great with this decision. I live in beautiful, sunny, scenic Marin County, California, just ten miles from the Golden Gate. My interview trip to Portland, while a professional success, entailed surviving 40-degree weather and constant rain. It was dismal.

I am coming to realize that I feel at home in the Bay Area. It now seems likely that while I wasn’t paying attention, I was becoming a Californian.

But I was rejected for being an Oregonian.

Apparently, both the person and the college wanted to be just friends. Without the benefit of actual benefits, however.

Dear Universe: honestly. You really kill me sometimes!

Soundtrack Suggestion

Now he lives in the islands, fishes the pilins
And drinks his green label each day
Writing his memoirs, losin’ his hearin’
But he don’t care what most people say.

Through eighty-six years of perpetual motion
If he likes you he’ll smile and he’ll say
“Jimmy, some of it’s magic, some of it’s tragic
But I had a good life all the way.”

(“He Went to Paris” – Jimmy Buffett)

Life in Eugene

I just came across a response to an article by Donna Barnett on the Chasing Clean Air blog. The original post (written in late 2009) was entitled “Eugene and Oregon Air Quality,” and the response (posted a few days ago), by “Anonymous,” was a fairly out-there, nonsensical rant about how bad life is in Eugene, Oregon.

I couldn’t help but weigh in. Here’s what I said…

Dear Anonymous,

My, my, such carryings-on about Eugene! Yes, of course, Eugene has some air-quality issues, a lot of them related to pollen (as noted above). Also, historically, there have been a lot of smoke problems due to the grass-seed industry and field burning, but in recent times, that’s been more under control. I don’t know what brought on your tirade! I used to live in Eugene (for nine years) and Corvallis (for twenty years) and the Willamette Valley is just about my favorite place on earth. Even with my allergies, there’s no place I’d rather live, and I’m spending eight days there next month on vacation. It’s where I return to to get away from the Bay Area, where I now reside.

Is Eugene really that bad compared to other places? Well, yes, for some it is. I know folks who moved away because their allergies were just too problematic. However, I just now looked up the Air Quality Index for Eugene and discovered that on a scale of 0-500 (with 500 being the worst, 0 the best), Eugene’s AQI today is a mere 13 -- in the “good” category.

Too bad you’re having such a terrible time in Eugene. For me, it’s Paradise.


I was in a meeting last week with a couple of folks who were aware of some of the challenges and stresses that have been coming my way recently. (And they didn’t even know about my surgery last December.) One of their questions was, “How do you do it, Jim?”

I said, “What? Stay sane you mean?”

Ah … such a good question. How does one take care of oneself when life seems pretty overwhelming?

For me, I mentioned just a few basic things …

I go to bed early and do my best to get enough sleep. I eat three small meals a day, avoiding junk in between (and take a variety of dietary supplements). I go to the fitness center regularly and/or walk/hike outside as much as I can. I lie down on the floor and listen to my meditation tape (actually it’s an iTunes playlist these days). I see my alternative-health-care practitioner once a week to deal with my aches and pains. I read. I write (as in this blog). I take photographs. I maintain my websites and my gadgets. I keep up with current events. I watch Rachel Maddow and So You Think You Can Dance. I work while I’m at work. And go home at the end of the day.

What don’t I do? Drink. Smoke. Caffeine or other recreational drugs. Or even eat chocolate. (Boring, you say!?)

[What’s missing from this picture? A primary relationship. Sigh …]

So, all in all, I simply (or, actually, with a great deal of concerted effort) try to maintain some balance in my life.

That’s how I do it.