TechnoMonk’s Musings

I’ve previously written about my struggles with “fitting in.” This has been another one of those weeks, and especially one of those days, when I’ve re-engaged with that issue. I’m in a pretty much “glass-half-empty” kind of space tonight as I contemplate a few indicators of a life that’s not working all that well at the moment. So, here they are: how you might tell your life could be in better shape…

Losing a job that you’d had for nearly a decade. Being ignored, unappreciated and unceremoniously dismissed in the process.

Spending the best hours of every day on the downhill side of life working and looking for work. (Well, and writing the occasional blog entry.)

Worrying about health. Worrying about safety, security, and stability. Worrying about worrying to death.

Finding work that is merely temporary. Being treated like a temp.

Having (or at least taking) no time to stop and smell the roses. Having no time to produce art. Having no time to read a novel.

Barely enough energy to get out of bed, lots of times, just imagining the difficulty level of the day ahead.

Constant, chronic myofascial pain, accompanied frequently by headaches and symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. Other strange aches, pains & afflictions and occasional infections.

Coming home after work and always finding that it’s another evening alone. And, consequently, anticipating that dying and death will also come very alone.

Spending part of every evening taking a hot bath, trying to soak away some of the pain. Easing into the hot water, being overwhelmed with hopelessness. Feeling, fighting, the inclination to sob.

Feeling the large part, of most every day, like a misfit.