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Teller’s Adopted Family

DateSun, January 30, 2011 at 10:40AM

Teller and Katrina first met in late 1997. The relationship they subsequently established could most accurately be described as “on-again, off-again.” It was a chaotic experience that occasionally drove Teller right to the edge of his ability to cope. However, despite everything, he believed himself to be totally invested in, and committed to, the relationship; Katrina was almost always ambivalent about it.

Still, the unpredictable nature of the union did not stop Teller from loving Katrina completely. And, along with Katrina, came the matter of her three kids. In 1997, Tamson, the oldest, was 20 years old and was no longer living at home; Beccalynn, the girl, had just turned 17; and Bryan, the “baby” of the family, was 13. The younger two were living part-time with Katrina and part-time with their father.

That Katrina loved her offspring utterly and completely was undeniable. And, though, at the time Teller met her, Katrina was still struggling with her ex-husband’s sexual-orientation announcement (the turning point that had doomed their marriage), and Beccalynn was exhibiting a number of typical, adolescent, acting-out behaviors, it was evident that all of them were still a family that cared deeply about one another.

If all the world’s a stage, then, it was on this set, within this particular family-in-transition, that Teller found himself a player.

And so it came to pass, Teller ended up not only being in love with Katrina, but also with Tamson, Beccalynn and Bryan. It was a package deal, or so it seemed. It wasn’t ever a matter of Katrina saying, “love me, love my family,” however. No such suggestion or demand was ever made or needed. To Teller, these people, all of them, were, simply, lovable. Teller couldn’t help himself. The sense of family and community he found with Katrina and the kids was unparalleled in his life. He had never experienced such inclusion and warmth, and once he was a part of it, he could not imagine his life, ever again, without this feeling.

Teller had told Katrina early on that he believed the best chance for success, for his insertion into this cast of characters, was to establish direct (i.e., not mediated by Katrina) relationships with each of the kids. He had “studied” step-parenting dynamics while in a previous relationship, and understood that this approach was likely to yield the most healthy result. And so that is what he did: little-by-little, he inched emotionally closer to each of them individually and, additionally, allowed tons of space for them to move in his direction.

For whatever it was that Teller did “right,” and for whatever other cosmic forces aligned to make it possible, Teller did, indeed, establish successful, loving relationships with each of the kids. In his heart, he adopted all three of them. There was nothing legal about the adoption, of course…it was an off-the-record, in-Teller’s-heart-and-mind, secret emotional adoption. Teller ultimately referred to Tamson, Beccalynn and Bryan, privately, as “the kids he never had.”

He embraced their presence in his life, totally and without reservation. And there never seemed to be any Katrina-like ambivalence on the part of the kids about their individual relationships with Teller. So, when it finally became evident to Teller that there was no future in his relationship with Katrina, he vowed to stay as available to each of the kids as they might desire.

And, the kids have wanted Teller to be around. He has been invited to, and attended, all three of their weddings, the most recent one (Bryan’s) in November (2010). And Beccalynn, just last week, sent Teller a note informing him of her involvement in a photography class…and how much she was learning.

Still, it was with utter amazement that Teller opened up his email two days ago and found this wholly-unexpected message from Katrina (who is now re-married and a step-parent to a young girl named Charlie…):

hi teller-

in these weeks of living-in step-mothering (since we moved into our house in december, charlie is now in my life half time, just as she always has been with her father), i’m understanding more and more the complexity of step-parenting, and what it takes to fulfill this role. charlie is a real dearheart and i enjoy her very much. nonetheless, my life has changed and it’s not always easy! i’ve been reflecting upon how thankful I am that you were so interested in my kids and appreciating with now-more-aware eyes some of the complexity you may have experienced in all of it. i’ve always appreciated this about you, but want to call it forward again and recognize again how you put your heart into them and into that role despite all of the challenges. i have not forgotten, nor will i.  thank you, jacobadam. 

warmly-
katrina


Upon reading these words, Teller’s eyes opened wide, then moistened, with the tears finally streaming down. His heart was both heavy with loss, open with love.

Oh, how he misses Tamson, Beccalynn and Bryan. And, of course, Katrina.

For two days he read this note again and again. And the tears welled up every time, even as he, finally, dragged the message into the folder labeled “family.”

by AuthorTechnoMonk | in , ,
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Politics, Fatigue & Looking Ahead

DateSun, January 23, 2011 at 2:54PM

Teller has been an academic dean for several years now, and is three-and-a-half years into this position on his current campus. Among other descriptors, the job is large, unwieldy, and unpredictable. He is spending the weekend enjoying some down time before embarking on yet another challenging 17-week marathon, this one called “Spring Semester.” It starts all over again on Monday. Getting a new term off the ground is always an arduous task and he admits to feeling drained before the real work even commences.

One of the reasons for the fatigue factor being especially prominent right now is the stress associated with last week’s events. During the middle of the week, Teller had cancelled a low-enrolled class in one of the physical-science disciplines. He had made the cancellation decision in consultation with the instructor and department chair; after ensuring that the affected students were informed of an alternative, he assumed the matter was settled. Then, on Friday, entirely out-of-the-blue, he endured an attack from the head of the counseling department, who accused him, because of his action, of not only being insensitive to students’ needs but also in violation of the collective-bargaining agreement. A certain amount of pandemonium ensued while he attempted to explain the situation to his new supervisor (an interim Vice President on the job for a mere two weeks). Teller ultimately succumbed to the demands being made on him and reinstated the class, which will now run with even fewer students. He sees this as a squandering of scarce resources, but realizes that the politics of the situation, not common sense, drove the so-called “solution.”

So, here he is, during the weekend, when his batteries are supposed to be re-charging, attending to a multitude of personal issues and tasks. He’s not feeling even one little bit like he’s getting any positive energy back, for one of the items on his agenda is the also-stressful process of completing an employment application.

Now, Teller isn’t really engaged in what could be termed an active job search. Still, he believes he needs to be keeping his eyes open for potential new opportunities. The top-level leadership of his institution has just changed hands (the interim VP was hired by the entirely-new campus chief executive), and, really, there’s no telling what could happen. It isn’t at all unusual for a new president to come in, scope out the place, and decide there’s a need for some significant shuffling. So, what with a campus culture characterized by rampant conflict and lack-of-trust, multitudinous unhappy students and faculty, and the recent changing-of-the-guard at the top, Teller’s life continues to be an unstable one.

Perhaps the faculty position he just applied for up in Portlandia is exactly what he needs in order to restore some balance back into his life.

by AuthorTechnoMonk | in , ,
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Political Passion, Facebook & Freedom of Speech

DateSun, January 9, 2011 at 11:24AM

This morning, I posted a link on my Facebook page to an article about Keith Olbermann’s “Special Comment” regarding the Gabrielle Giffords shooting in Arizona yesterday (see “Olbermann Connects Giffords Shooting To Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck And Apologizes For His Own Remarks”). In the comment I made to accompany that link, I called for a halt to the widespread uncivil, inflammatory and insane political rhetoric in this country — such as the “second-amendment-remedies” remarks from the likes of Sharron Angle, Sarah Palin, and other assorted Tea Partiers.

Within minutes, I had a comment from one of my Facebook “friends” asking if that meant I would now end my expression of impassioned political opinions, noting my agitation about, and name-calling of, many Republicans over the years.

All I can say to this is: wtf, dude?

Are you saying that my opinions, however passionately expressed, have the kind of radical, evil intent (and, indeed, craziness) in them that imply support of assassination, murder and/or attempted murder?

With all due respect, when I make claims such as “George W. Bush is a liar and a war criminal,” there is considerable evidence to support that. And is in no way a call for harm to anyone. For you to infer malicious intent on my part is just plain folly.

And so, dear Facebook friend, in an unprecedented act, I have removed my post and your subsequent comment. You don’t get to insinuate, on my Facebook page (please use your own), that my passion has any relationship to the dangerous (and now murderous) rhetoric put out there by the political right-wing in recent times. You just don’t get to do that.

by AuthorTechnoMonk | in , ,
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Injury, Recovery, Fitness, Health & Change

DateWed, November 17, 2010 at 5:13PM

The Fourth of July this year promised to be a good-weather day for the entire Bay Area, so I took advantage of this prediction and hopped on the 11:40 ferry into the city to spend a few hours doing my walkabout-photography thing. It was a very nice day to do this, as it turned out, so I was feeling pretty pleased with myself (for both the photos and the exercise) as I boarded the 4:30 back to Larkspur. However, despite the incredible, sunny, 70-degree downtown weather, the water in the bay was very choppy, and it was offering up a lot of sea spray as I sat in the back of the boat during the first few minutes of the trip. I decided I didn’t want to endure this for the entire ride and got up to change seats. Just as I stood, the boat took a particularly big jump in the water, and I was tossed onto my backside: my right shoulder hitting one of the solid plastic benches that are permanently affixed to the deck.

As I clumsily pulled myself up, I was in agony. I thought that I’d probably pulled a muscle (or something); I could barely move my arm. I sat there in over-the-top pain for the remainder of the trip, not knowing much except that I’d be making a stop at the emergency room right away. At the ferry landing, I filed an incident report with the ship’s captain, then drove myself, one-armed, to the hospital. Upon examination, and x-ray, the ER staff determined that I had broken my scapula (shoulder blade). Yikes!

I drove home with my arm immobilized in a sling. I endured some pretty incredible, constant pain for the first couple weeks or so. I hibernated for awhile, and stayed away from work, but eventually I started moving again. Within ten days of the incident, I had seen an orthopedist, had a CT and MRI to gather more information (and determined that my shoulder didn’t need surgery), and had kept my first appointment with a physical therapist.

It took about thirteen weeks, a quarter of a year, to get mostly back to “normal.” To facilitate the healing process, I was a model physical-therapy patient, doing my routines at least 2 or 3 times every day. My recovery was “uneventful”, as the orthopedist said, and I feel fine now.

Well, mostly.

The side effect that I didn’t anticipate seems to have been due to my greatly reduced level of physical activity during the recovery period. (At least this is my current working hypothesis.) I have been feeling more and more anxious for several weeks now, including dealing with some pain in my chest (a long-standing anxiety symptom for me). I think the longer I was inactive due to my injury, the less able I was to cope with my myriad, underlying anxiety issues. Of course, the worry haunted me for a quite awhile that this pain wasn’t merely anxiety, but indicative of a heart problem. Hence, I went to see a cardiologist and took a stress EKG test (the one involving a treadmill), along with a stress heart echo (sonogram). According to these procedures, my cardiac function is fine. Whew!

I just joined a local fitness center, and I have my first appointment with a personal trainer this week. I need to get more active, and it seems this would be good way, what with winter coming on and all. (My walking routine typically suffers in bad weather.) Exercise has always been the best way for me to cope with my anxiety and depression woes.

It really is time for a change. Wish me luck.

Soundtrack Suggestion

If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right, being wrong,
Would you change?
Would you change?

If you knew that you would find a truth
That brings up pain that can't be soothed
Would you change?
Would you change?

(“Change” - Tracy Chapman)

by AuthorTechnoMonk | in , ,
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Social Media & Whatever Happened to the Class of '65

DateSun, October 10, 2010 at 2:36PM

It was a little over two years ago when I first signed up for Facebook and then wrote about my initial experiences and impressions here. At that time, I admitted I had little idea what was I was doing or what it meant to be so affiliated. However, I also reported that, quite rapidly, as a result of Facebook and Twitter, I felt “less alone” in the world.

Time has marched on, and I believe I have a much better handle on the whole social-media scene now than I did then. Over the last couple years, I’ve tweeted and Facebooked (yes, I used that as a verb) much more than anything else I’ve done online, including posting essays here. My level of online activity really hasn’t diminished at all … it just changed direction. The biggest reason, I suppose, is that Facebook and Twitter are much more interactive: there is simply more two-way communication with other people than there ever was with this blog. A lot of the time, this site has been like a very long (and sometimes boring) lecture; Twitter and Facebook have the capacity to be more conversation-like.

Not everyone is with me here, though … as I am repeatedly reminded. There are tons of people my age who remain as uninterested in online social networking as I once was, and totally stay away from such activity. In fact, I may be the oldest person among my (as of today) 657 followers on Twitter and my 107 friends on Facebook. Earlier this year, I learned that just 7% of all Facebook users are in the 55-65 age bracket (see graph).

So, it would appear that my level of online activity just might put me in the top few percent, or even fraction of one percent, of my contemporaries in terms of social-media savvy.

Apparently, I’m not alone in recognizing my relative uniqueness.

Last weekend was the 45-year reunion of my high school class (in Rice Lake, Wisconsin). I did not attend the gathering because of its rather inconvenient timing (this was the first time we’ve ever held a reunion other than in the summer months). However, I still happened to play a part in the events of last Saturday evening. During the MC’d program after dinner, it was proposed that a class website be set up as we all do the five-year countdown toward our 50th (gasp!) reunion in 2015. One former classmate suggested that the best person for the job would be ME, and, by acclamation, I was elected to make such magic happen.

Hence, being so honored (?), I wrote a few emails, tried to figure out what the heck the expectations were, and just generally spent some time figuring out what we (that is, I) might do.

My decision, supported by those I’ve consulted with, was to construct a group for us all on Facebook, using their just-released (four days ago) “new groups” feature. It is now up and running. (I don’t waste time: give me an assignment, and I do it!) Two days ago I sent out an email to everyone (who submitted an email address to our reunion organizers) announcing the availability of the new group (with some simple instructions about joining Facebook). Right now, we have thirteen members. (I think we have about 200 surviving classmates at this time.)

So, now there’s a small core of us waiting to see how many former classmates will join us in this social network. (I think it would be nice, perhaps amazing, if this experiment actually works!) 

Soundtrack Suggestion

When I think back on all the crap I’ve learned in high school
It’s a wonder I can think at all…

(“Kodachrome” – Simon & Garfunkel)

by AuthorTechnoMonk | in , , ,
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