Not too long ago, when I was describing my current life, work, and health situation to a friend, she surmised that my predicament was one that “most certainly called for a spiritual practice.”

I totally agree. And, I have focused renewed energy into that portion of my life lately, especially as I’ve had the time in recent days.

One thing helping me, likely more than anything else, is my meditation practice…which I have taken up again on a daily basis in the last couple of weeks. Now, given that I don’t belong to a meditation group here, and I tend to struggle with such a practice alone, I have fallen back on an old ally and friend in this endeavor, Jon Kabat-Zinn, who I first “met” with the publication of his (1990) book Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. I owned the original set of tapes produced to accompany that publication, and just this year, re-purchased those same mindfulness meditation recordings on CD. My particular favorite is the first CD in the set, the guided body-scan meditation, which, when I actually stay awake and do what he (the voice of Kabat-Zinn) directs me to do, provides a healthy, self-focused 45-minute meditation experience, from which I (typically) emerge very renewed and relaxed. (Nope, I earn nothing from this endorsement!)

One of the most impactful parts of this experience is to be reminded, at the beginning of the session every day, that acceptance of self in the moment is most desirable…since, for better or worse, this is our experience right now. There is nothing we can do to control or change our experience, our feelings, or our being in the moment. So, why not focus on the moment and accept ourselves as we are?

I need to be reminded, and like to be reminded of this: every day, or even several times a day. Currently, I tend to try and work on this concept during many of my waking moments, saying, “ah, this is how I’m feeling right now. This is the pain I’m having right now. This is my joy right now. This is what I need to be doing for myself right now.”

Very. Powerful. Stuff.

Here’s a short little video (definitely not for the faint-at-heart!) I found on YouTube which illustrates, I suppose, my rather perverse sense of humor — and reflects, to some extent, my current life situation. In recent days and weeks I’ve mentioned to some that an element of my chronic pain condition consists of getting up in the morning “feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

Well…some have it worse than me!

Here we are: a mid-winter Saturday. And, baby, it’s cold outside. I went out to do a couple of errands earlier today, but I believe I’ll just stay huddled here inside until it’s a tad more hospitable in the great out-of-doors. Two days ago it snowed enough to close down all the area schools, and there’s still some of the white stuff left on the ground as we speak (write? read?). It’s below freezing right now and, cold-averse weenie that I am, I need to keep cozy underneath my electric comforter for a while longer.

So, I sit. Thinking. But mostly trying not to think. Being with myself. Accepting my life. Breathing in and out. With the in-breath, opening my heart. With the out-breath, clearing my mind. Focusing on the breath. Trying to just be: in the here and now.

I seek comfort in the wisdom that is available in the universe. So I sit. And also read. There is so much to learn about this existence.

…everything we see, hear, feel, and think is [in] constant flux and change. Nothing endures. We long for permanence and as a result we suffer, for we find none. Buddhism Plain and Simple (p. 46)

The Messiah’s Handbook (Richard Bach, 1977, 2004) advises us:

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished.
If you’re alive, it isn’t.

I’ve had this quotation on my refrigerator door for several years now — as if I actually need a daily reminder that there’s always something (big and bad) coming at me right around the corner (and ready to throw my entire known universe into utter chaos).

This time the issues are all about my health… which probably won’t surprise anyone who has kept up with (or browsed) these Musings very much at all. I’ve been writing about what I first labeled “peripheral neuropathy” since at least last March. Then, later in the year, after my move south, I found a doctor who seemed to have some kind of clue about what was going on with my body, and labeled it “chronic myofascial pain.” And, as you know, I have chronicled such avenues as low-dose naltrexone and acupuncture in my quest to address this predicament.

The latest development is that I seem to have entered some kind of acute phase (or an “eruption,” as my chiropractor likes to call it) with respect to the constellation of my pain issues…enough so that my physician has ordered me to stay away from work. This is a real first for me, so it’s taking a total mental adjustment to accept that I am in such a serious state. The theory is that I can take some time away and calm both myself and the symptoms. I’m scheduled to return to work in a month.

In the meantime, the latest label for my woes seems to be headed in the direction of fibromyalgia…a widespread syndrome that afflicts women much more than it does men. (As usual, in my life, I’m finding myself in the minority.)

I will be seeking much assistance in the coming days, weeks and months. I know I have lots of support out there, and that is very comforting.

Here is what I know I need to do right now:
Breathe.
Take it a day at a time.
Breathe.
Go for a walk.
Breathe.
Keep showing up.
Breathe.
Keep writing.
Breathe.
Take a hot bath.
Breathe.
Go for a drive.
Breathe.
Take a picture.
Breathe.
Keep trusting that the universe will provide.
Breathe.
Appreciate life.
Breathe.

The cover story of the January 15 edition of Time Magazine examines the question of “what a surge really means.” It now appears as if we’re headed for another boost of troop levels in Iraq, doesn’t it?

Despite the clear will of the American people expressed during last November’s elections, and contrary to the advice of practically everyone that matters (except, I guess, Senator John McCain), W is going his own merry way yet again: obviously living in a fantasy world that hardly anyone else inhabits.

MORE TROOPS IN IRAQ!?!?  HUH!?

Hey, George: you’re going the wrong way!

(I know, I know…there’s a punctuation error in the sign…it’s why I took the photo in the first place! See Eats, Shoots & Leaves for a thorough discussion of how we regularly – and publicly – botch punctuation.)