Groundhog Day. Yes, it’s that day…the (mostly laughable) holiday the movie inspired. I’m guessing there will be six more weeks of winter? (We have a choice?!)

In some respects, like Phil Connors (Bill Murray), I’m experiencing a sense of déjà vu all over again. Last year on this day, I wrote about an unstable work situation, spending all my free time looking for another job, having trouble sleeping, living a life alone, suffering with a muscular/nerve issue in my leg, and having virtually no time to pursue my art. (Question: is this blog “art?”) Well OK, now there’s a bunch of stuff (!)…and interestingly (well, for me at least), all of it is still going on right up to this present moment. Consequently I’m realizing, more and more, the wisdom of the saying, “wherever you go, there you are.”

Because: I’m now living in another city, inhabiting a totally new and different physical environment, and experiencing a quite-different (small-town) culture. And, yet, realistically, my life has not actually changed all that much. Today: truly déjà vu.

Here I am. For all practical purposes, in the same situation I’ve been in for some time. Well, other than, for four entire weeks, I’ve been focused on almost nothing else other than improving my health – which had declined to a really unacceptable level and necessitated a break from the routine.

I have to admit, though, my life is better now after having this unprecedented month-long hiatus to focus on self and to engage in an extended period of reflection. And to try to relax. I have not been “relaxed” for a long time. (Years, maybe? Perhaps never?) Insomuch as the muscular state of my body has been perpetually “tight” for as long as I can remember (at least since the time of my early 20s), I can honestly ponder the question: do I have any idea what it is to be relaxed? It may be that I have that particular human condition (relaxation) in my mind as an intellectual construct, but I don’t really know what it means from personal, lived experience.

In any event, I’ve worked on (or at least toward) relaxation for an entire month now, with a 45-minute period of each day devoted to meditation. For at least that portion of every day (sometimes longer), I’ve attempted to clear out random, fleeting thoughts from my mind and, quite simply, focus on the breath. (With varying degrees of success from day-to-day, I might add.) However, it has become a very important part of my existence, and I know that I need to find a way to continue on with this practice, even as I resume a more structured daily routine next week that includes a return to work and all its accompanying stresses.

Needless to say, I’ve paid a great deal of attention to my physical being this last month, as I’ve tirelessly dedicated myself to addressing the chronic-pain issues that have plagued me. I’ve mentioned previously many of the approaches I’ve utilized. And, this week, just yesterday, I added one more technique; I had a craniosacral therapy session for the first time ever. This method is, at this point, still pretty mysterious to me, but it “involves assessing and addressing the movement of the cerebrospinal fluid, which can be restricted by trauma to the body, such as through falls, accidents, and general nervous tension.” My therapist was very gentle, had good, warm hands, and very caringly applied (barely detectable) pressure to various parts of my head, neck and ears. As I left, she advised that my body would slowly be responding to the work over the next few days – and that I should come back in a couple of weeks for more attention. Apparently, there are significant issues here for me, and utilizing this kind of therapy may be instrumental in helping to further improve my condition. Honestly: I’ll do anything that works. Western medicine has helped me very little, and only alternative health-care providers have helped illuminate the path to greater health.

But, as much time and energy as I’ve devoted to my physical self, my spirit is what has really needed nurturing. I’m not sure that I had really reached a spiritual crisis crossroads, and I don’t know that what I’ve experienced lately would be labeled as “spiritual emergence” – perhaps we should just say that this particular health-crisis interlude has led to a spiritual surge. Yes, that sounds about right.

Like everyone, I believe I’m seeking happiness in life. Rarely, though, have I found it. However, if I can keep reminding myself that health and happiness are not really destinations, but that they can only be found moment-by-moment, then, perhaps, I can live more fully.

Lasting progress doesn’t happen in a few dramatic moments, but hour by hour, day by day. And as time passes, every process includes repairs: The road to happiness is always under construction. Focus on taking life one step at a time until you get it right; set aside what you can do later. When discipline and patience join forces, they become a persistence that endures past the peaks and valleys to carry intentions to completion. Enthusiasm sets the pace, but persistence reaches the goal. Process, patience, and persistence are keys that unlock the doorway to any destination. (pp. 31-32)
Dan Millman in The Laws of Spirit

If I were a believer in the concept of an infinite number of alternate, parallel universes (and there certainly are moments when I do believe), then, in at least one of them, I would be accepting a job at the state’s flagship (as they like to think of themselves, anyway) university this week. However, as it turns out, I live in this version of the world, and I’m still here.

Yep. Roseburg. Still.

Welcome to “reality,” TechnoMonk.

The reason that I’m, at this very moment, preparing for departure for Eugene, in some other universe, is that I had a quite-positive interview experience there last Monday as a finalist for a high-level position in Academic Affairs. Of course, I mentioned this very possibility in an entry here last month, as I marked the beginning of a new job-search season for myself. I had a successful telephone interview three weeks ago, then was subsequently moved along and invited to campus as a finalist.

Ah, but the job-search world is such a quirky and unpredictable one! The process is different at each institution, and the outcome is never to be counted upon. The advice in the job-search game is the same that I got from a wise friend when I was going through my divorce (a lifetime ago it seems!): “expect the unexpected.”

This time, interestingly enough, I didn’t lose out to another candidate. I was told that, after interviewing the three finalists, the decision was to not fill the position at this time. Well, ok, so they didn’t like me; and they didn’t like those other folks as well! This is a truly amazing result, given the storyline that evolved during the interview process about how desperate they were to fill this position. But remember: expect the unexpected. Then it all makes sense. (Well, maybe?)

[The comparisons between this search and the last high-level university position I was a finalist for are striking. In that case as well, the decision was to not hire anyone at that time. What gives here, anyway?]

Life is change. I had developed a version of the world that had me moving back to a university environment and a city I call home. This change, however, existed only in my mind. Yes, my mind is my predicament. I didn’t get what I want.

If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change, free of pain, free of obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality. (p. 51)

(Dan Millman in Way of the Peaceful Warrior)

Over the last four years, for the time-span of the Iraq-war debacle, I’ve appointed myself an unofficial documentarian of local anti-war/pro-peace efforts (in both Eugene and Portland). As I’ve attended several marches and demonstrations during this time (naturally, because I’m personally aligned with their purposes and goals), I’ve always carried my camera. I’ve taken literally hundreds of pictures of such activities here in Oregon.

A couple of days ago, I was contacted by YES! Magazine asking if I would share some of my shots on their new flickr site devoted to anti-war/pro-peace photos. Their flickr effort is just getting underway, so, as I write this today, there’s not much there yet …but, it may be that you’d like to drop by the site and peruse the contributions every so often. Take a look and bookmark it. It’s at http://www.flickr.com/groups/yesmagazine-peace/.

“…not so much a protest as a memorial.”

These are the words of a University of Oregon (UO) student I spoke to earlier this week as I walked among the 112,000 white flags and 3,000 red flags conscientiously and strategically placed to cover much of the main portion of the UO campus. Each of the white flags represent 6 Iraqi soldiers and civilians who have died since the U.S. involvement began four years ago, and each of the red flags represent one fallen American soldier.

The display lasts only this one week. I urge you to see it in person, before Sunday, if at all possible.

Here’s how the Daily Emerald reported the story on Monday. And here’s an online slideshow, from the Emerald, if you’re interested in some of their photos.

As I’m sure you know if you’ve at all kept up with my journey here, chronic pain issues have recently influenced me in terms of renewing a spiritual practice. Readings in Buddhist literature, as well as meditation, have been integral to my ability to cope with this current life situation.

Naturally, along the way (since May 2005 and the onset of the first troubling symptoms), I’ve also consulted with MDs, chiropractors, a naturopathic physician, an acupuncturist, a neurofeedback therapist, and a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine. Several massage therapists have helped me out as well. Additionally, I’ve sought advice from several friends and acquaintances and done tons of reading; and I’ve conducted many hours of research here on the internet.

All of this activity has taken place, of course, because as the last year-and-a-half unfolded, my chronic (primarily muscular) pain symptoms became more and more problematic. At the end of 2006 my condition had deteriorated to a really unacceptable level, and by the first week of this month, I was ordered to take some time away from work.

Since then, I have had an intense two weeks and had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with several more health professionals, some “traditional” and many others “alternative.”

At this point (and really, on this journey, it can only be considered “a point”), I believe it just may be that my alternative health providers have led me in the direction that will turn out to be the most beneficial. Right now I appear to be making significant progress with enhanced levels of a magnesium supplement in my diet. A very interesting article I found online just today, explains the importance of magnesium to our bodies, and the symptoms that result when humans find themselves in a magnesium-deficient state. It’s all very, very familiar sounding…could this possibly be “the answer?”

Whether or not this is the ultimate solution or not, of course, remains to be seen. I’m patiently waiting to see how the next couple of weeks or so develop in terms of symptom relief. At any rate, now having become reacquainted with the serenity that can accompany a spiritual practice, I am experiencing more hope about the future.