If I were a believer in the concept of an infinite number of alternate, parallel universes (and there certainly are moments when I do believe), then, in at least one of them, I would be accepting a job at the state’s flagship (as they like to think of themselves, anyway) university this week. However, as it turns out, I live in this version of the world, and I’m still here.

Yep. Roseburg. Still.

Welcome to “reality,” TechnoMonk.

The reason that I’m, at this very moment, preparing for departure for Eugene, in some other universe, is that I had a quite-positive interview experience there last Monday as a finalist for a high-level position in Academic Affairs. Of course, I mentioned this very possibility in an entry here last month, as I marked the beginning of a new job-search season for myself. I had a successful telephone interview three weeks ago, then was subsequently moved along and invited to campus as a finalist.

Ah, but the job-search world is such a quirky and unpredictable one! The process is different at each institution, and the outcome is never to be counted upon. The advice in the job-search game is the same that I got from a wise friend when I was going through my divorce (a lifetime ago it seems!): “expect the unexpected.”

This time, interestingly enough, I didn’t lose out to another candidate. I was told that, after interviewing the three finalists, the decision was to not fill the position at this time. Well, ok, so they didn’t like me; and they didn’t like those other folks as well! This is a truly amazing result, given the storyline that evolved during the interview process about how desperate they were to fill this position. But remember: expect the unexpected. Then it all makes sense. (Well, maybe?)

[The comparisons between this search and the last high-level university position I was a finalist for are striking. In that case as well, the decision was to not hire anyone at that time. What gives here, anyway?]

Life is change. I had developed a version of the world that had me moving back to a university environment and a city I call home. This change, however, existed only in my mind. Yes, my mind is my predicament. I didn’t get what I want.

If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change, free of pain, free of obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality. (p. 51)

(Dan Millman in Way of the Peaceful Warrior)

Over the last four years, for the time-span of the Iraq-war debacle, I’ve appointed myself an unofficial documentarian of local anti-war/pro-peace efforts (in both Eugene and Portland). As I’ve attended several marches and demonstrations during this time (naturally, because I’m personally aligned with their purposes and goals), I’ve always carried my camera. I’ve taken literally hundreds of pictures of such activities here in Oregon.

A couple of days ago, I was contacted by YES! Magazine asking if I would share some of my shots on their new flickr site devoted to anti-war/pro-peace photos. Their flickr effort is just getting underway, so, as I write this today, there’s not much there yet …but, it may be that you’d like to drop by the site and peruse the contributions every so often. Take a look and bookmark it. It’s at http://www.flickr.com/groups/yesmagazine-peace/.

“…not so much a protest as a memorial.”

These are the words of a University of Oregon (UO) student I spoke to earlier this week as I walked among the 112,000 white flags and 3,000 red flags conscientiously and strategically placed to cover much of the main portion of the UO campus. Each of the white flags represent 6 Iraqi soldiers and civilians who have died since the U.S. involvement began four years ago, and each of the red flags represent one fallen American soldier.

The display lasts only this one week. I urge you to see it in person, before Sunday, if at all possible.

Here’s how the Daily Emerald reported the story on Monday. And here’s an online slideshow, from the Emerald, if you’re interested in some of their photos.

As I’m sure you know if you’ve at all kept up with my journey here, chronic pain issues have recently influenced me in terms of renewing a spiritual practice. Readings in Buddhist literature, as well as meditation, have been integral to my ability to cope with this current life situation.

Naturally, along the way (since May 2005 and the onset of the first troubling symptoms), I’ve also consulted with MDs, chiropractors, a naturopathic physician, an acupuncturist, a neurofeedback therapist, and a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine. Several massage therapists have helped me out as well. Additionally, I’ve sought advice from several friends and acquaintances and done tons of reading; and I’ve conducted many hours of research here on the internet.

All of this activity has taken place, of course, because as the last year-and-a-half unfolded, my chronic (primarily muscular) pain symptoms became more and more problematic. At the end of 2006 my condition had deteriorated to a really unacceptable level, and by the first week of this month, I was ordered to take some time away from work.

Since then, I have had an intense two weeks and had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with several more health professionals, some “traditional” and many others “alternative.”

At this point (and really, on this journey, it can only be considered “a point”), I believe it just may be that my alternative health providers have led me in the direction that will turn out to be the most beneficial. Right now I appear to be making significant progress with enhanced levels of a magnesium supplement in my diet. A very interesting article I found online just today, explains the importance of magnesium to our bodies, and the symptoms that result when humans find themselves in a magnesium-deficient state. It’s all very, very familiar sounding…could this possibly be “the answer?”

Whether or not this is the ultimate solution or not, of course, remains to be seen. I’m patiently waiting to see how the next couple of weeks or so develop in terms of symptom relief. At any rate, now having become reacquainted with the serenity that can accompany a spiritual practice, I am experiencing more hope about the future.

Not too long ago, when I was describing my current life, work, and health situation to a friend, she surmised that my predicament was one that “most certainly called for a spiritual practice.”

I totally agree. And, I have focused renewed energy into that portion of my life lately, especially as I’ve had the time in recent days.

One thing helping me, likely more than anything else, is my meditation practice…which I have taken up again on a daily basis in the last couple of weeks. Now, given that I don’t belong to a meditation group here, and I tend to struggle with such a practice alone, I have fallen back on an old ally and friend in this endeavor, Jon Kabat-Zinn, who I first “met” with the publication of his (1990) book Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. I owned the original set of tapes produced to accompany that publication, and just this year, re-purchased those same mindfulness meditation recordings on CD. My particular favorite is the first CD in the set, the guided body-scan meditation, which, when I actually stay awake and do what he (the voice of Kabat-Zinn) directs me to do, provides a healthy, self-focused 45-minute meditation experience, from which I (typically) emerge very renewed and relaxed. (Nope, I earn nothing from this endorsement!)

One of the most impactful parts of this experience is to be reminded, at the beginning of the session every day, that acceptance of self in the moment is most desirable…since, for better or worse, this is our experience right now. There is nothing we can do to control or change our experience, our feelings, or our being in the moment. So, why not focus on the moment and accept ourselves as we are?

I need to be reminded, and like to be reminded of this: every day, or even several times a day. Currently, I tend to try and work on this concept during many of my waking moments, saying, “ah, this is how I’m feeling right now. This is the pain I’m having right now. This is my joy right now. This is what I need to be doing for myself right now.”

Very. Powerful. Stuff.