Proceed With Caution
Although I may aspire to the courageousness of an Alice Sebold in terms of my autobiographical writing, I have to admit, when it comes to blogging one’s life: it’s not without some dangers. Here’s a cautionary tale.
A little while back, out of the blue, I received an email from someone who had, more-or-less accidently, stumbled across this blog and become interested in me and my story. She had read a few of my entries, was favorably impressed, and wrote to tell me so. (I make reaching me ridiculously easy, of course, with the Contact TechnoMonk section I display in the right-hand column.)
Now, with the volume of email I encounter daily in both my professional and personal lives, I always have to think twice about responding to a stranger. Do I have the time? Who is this person?
Well, on this occasion, for whatever reason, I replied. I composed a very short note thanking her for her positive observations.
And then: she wrote back.
This went on, an email a day, for two or three days. During this time (I could tell from my blog statistics) she continued to devour much of what I had written about myself here.
The emails took on a tone of increasing familiarity. She started to believe she knew me. She mentioned my attractiveness.
Naturally, I became very curious, and I asked her about her personal situation, as the only thing I really knew was that she lived in another region of the U.S. She answered: married, with kids.
Still, we continued our correspondence…why, I don’t know. Except that, despite her personal life, it felt a lot like the “internet dating” contact I’ve had through match.com and chemistry.com. She supplied pictures.
I now realize I should not have engaged in this activity past the very early discovery-point of her marital status. But continue on I did, as she proceeded to reveal more and more of herself, including clear expressions of dissatisfaction with her life situation…mostly her marriage.
I’ll spare you most of the really intimate details here…except to say that at one point she suggested we have an affair.
Given my level of self-awareness and propensity to fall for unavailable women, respectfully, I declined.
She then indicated that she “was thinking about” leaving her husband: “what about that?”
She said she loved me. (Say what?)
I replied that I barely knew her, and that, even if I did, I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with someone so obviously on the rebound.
Given her intensity, and some of her bizarrely far-out ideas and statements, there came a point when I considered that I might be corresponding with a mentally-unstable individual. At the very least, her take on “reality” was certainly much different than mine.
And I became afraid…wondering how I’d gotten myself in so deeply, so unexpectedly, so rapidly.
It finally came down to a firmly-worded email from me that whatever she decided to do about her marriage and life situation, it could not be because of me, for me, or with me anywhere in the picture.
The conclusion of this whole episode came when she wrote back and said: “of course, you’re right.”
Correspondence then ceased and life returned to normal.
I need to say: you gotta be careful out there…
Soundtrack Suggestion
Went out last night, I didn’t stay late
’fore I got home I had nineteen dates
Well they took some honey from a tree
Dressed it up and they called it me
Everybody’s trying to be my baby…
(“Everybody’s Trying To Be My Baby” – Beatles)
Caveat Lector
I have written previously about what the heck it is I think I’m doing here with this blog, proffering the opinion that a lot of this is simply for my own, much-needed therapy. And, just as importantly, I write because writing is what I do; being a writer is who I am. I write because it provides an outlet for thoughts and emotions I can’t conveniently put anyplace else. And this particular venue gives me a place to share, should anyone self-select into my online world.
Early on in my blogging days, as I was engaged in other self-reflection about these literary efforts, I explored the topic of blogger ethics, recognizing the potential for harming others with my words. You may recall that I clearly expressed the intent to avoid embarrassing, attacking, angering or hurting anyone of you out there. And although I have not specifically mentioned this, naturally my aim is to avoid harming myself as well.
Not that my efforts have met with everyone’s approval. There have been the occasional criticisms of my work, the most obvious and impactful of which was the feedback last spring, from a college president no less, that “ I might want to re-think my decision to discuss my job-search activities” on these pages. That unsolicited opinion of my writing really made me take stock. However, after a careful and deliberate examination of my intentions, as well as a thorough re-reading of the actual words I had published, I decided to discard that particular piece of advice and I re-published some posts I had temporarily taken down (while in a highly-reactive, semi-panicky mode).
Then, there’s the occasional bits of praise that come my way, namely the quite-recent observation that
There is a lot of humor in your blog. I hope you can see it. Is it not supposed to be funny? …Thanks for sharing all of your hopes and fears with the entire world … Your world view is so prickly (ala Mark Twain)…
Of course, any comparison of my writing with Mark Twain’s is really quite a stretch, but I appreciate this person’s comments nonetheless!
Finally, just this week, another person from my everyday world offered up some observations about this blog. She was clearly concerned that being so public about my life put me in harm’s way…in one way or another. After a long conversation about this, she subsequently wrote a clarifying email, stating quite unequivocally that, “ it’s the possible ramifications for you that I am concerned about.”
I found the clash of values between the two of us quite intriguing. She expressed a high need for privacy, even secrecy, in the normal living of life. Further, she articulated a distrust of others, fearing hidden agendas. I, on the other hand, expressed a strong preference for transparency and the need for emotional risk-taking.
In a short email back to her I said,
… my intention is: to not have hidden agendas; to live openly, honestly and authentically; to take risks; to live without fear. These are my values. Whatever consequences I pay for them, I shall pay…
Now, as I conclude this brief entry, I want to say that I recognize not everyone is going to have the same interpretation of my words. What one person takes as a totally depressing essay, another person might tell me, “Jim, that was hilarious!” (And, in fact, this has actually happened.)
In invite you to keep reading. Or not. It’s entirely up to you.
If my up-close-and-personal observations and disclosures turn out to be a bit much, I can only advise: caveat lector.
Let the reader beware.
Blog Curiosities
Things I’m wondering about…
Why is it two specific blog entries have been obscenely popular with you out there in recent times? For example, in the past 7 days alone there have been 1,431 Google searches that have led ya’ll to an entry from last February entitled “March on the Pentagon.” And, coming in second is another piece with an entirely different kind of political slant; an entry from November 2006 called “A New Season” has received 238 looks in the past week. What can this possibly be about? (All this activity is a little intimidating!)
Why is it that the statistics generated by SquareSpace for my blog are WAY WAY DIFFERENT from the Sitemeter stats reflected in the counter over there in the right-hand column? They are not even close to each other! Most of the hits recorded by SquareSpace are not counted by Sitemeter, and some of those by Sitemeter are not captured by SquareSpace. What is going on here?
What’s behind the green door?!
And, finally, I seem to have picked up a new reader in Malaysia. Whoever you are, you’re the furthest-away regular I have. Thanks for finding me!