Winter Solstice

Here’s a shot taken at Mt. Tabor Park in Portland early last March…just as there was the hint of spring.

Ah, spring: it’s all we (or at least I) have to look forward to right now, as the winter solstice, tomorrow, brings us to the new, bleak, all-too-long, dark season. It’s wet, dreary, and bone-chilling cold here in Roseburg today as I write this. Winter is only just arriving, and here I am dreaming of the time of renewal that begins three months from now!

As I contemplate living, alone, through the rest of the holiday season here in southern Cascasdia, I’m thinking of the City of Roses…the place I endured a love/hate relationship with the last two years. Here are a few memories I have of that place:

Some Things I Miss About Portland

• Living in my (rented) house

• My friends & colleagues 

• KINK FM Radio

• My anonymity

• Low (relatively speaking, that is) gas prices

• Powell’s Bookstore

• PDX

• Mt. Tabor Park and the view

• All the movie theaters & the large movie selection

• Malls that are malls

• Kinko’s, Starbucks, Noah’s Bagels, and assorted-other convenience spots

Some Things I Definitely Don’t Miss

• Traffic

• The east wind

• Freezing rain

• The prison-like campus buildings

• Worrying about personal safety

• High prices on car/home insurance

• Crowds (especially this time of year)

• Getting lost

• Pervasive panhandling

• DEQ inspections

The Budding Novelist

Me? A “budding novelist?” That’s what one reader of this blog labeled me today after reading Teller’s Tale. My oh my, wouldn’t it be great if, one day, I penned (keyboarded?) a work of fiction that found its way to your nearest Borders?!

I must admit, writing that last entry was a lot of fun, and the words (on that topic, at least) seemed to flow quite a bit easier when using the third person. Curious, eh? I wouldn’t be surprised if ol’ Teller happened to make additional appearances on these pages now and then.

I was inspired to try the Teller experiment after going to see Stranger Than Fiction one more time on Saturday. While I’ve written lots and lots of narrative in the first person, including this blog and a significant portion of my dissertation, the thought occurred to me, while watching this movie, that a third-person narration just might be worth a try.

Be A Duck

Aptly entitled “AZDUCK,” this huge, somewhat unsightly (but still colorful), ceramic (I think) sculpture now resides in the Oakway Mall in Eugene. I snapped this with my new little Nikon COOLPIX S7c while up there last Friday. Although I currently “live” in Roseburg, since I moved here in July I have spent an inordinate amount of time on I-5 between the two cities.

As the new job search season begins to heat up, I find I keep thinking about the position at the University of Oregon that I’ve applied for. Could I possibly, possibly end up back in Eugene? Wouldn’t that be just ducky?

Surrender

Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’
Into the future (Steve Miller, 1976)

In the introduction to his book Wherever You Go, There You Are, Jon Kabat-Zinn observes (and then asks), “whatever you wind up doing, that’s what you’ve wound up doing. Whatever you’re thinking right now, that’s what’s on your mind. Whatever has happened to you, it has already happened. The important question is, how are you going to handle it? In other words, ‘Now what?’”

These questions have been much on my mind lately, as I find myself not having escaped, the least little bit, the chaotic, unstable nature of my existence. In 2004, after a job loss, I moved 120 miles to the north and spent two years in yet another organization rife with turbulence. Then, this year, I moved 180 miles south and find myself in an even bigger predicament. What the heck is going on? I have wondered if it’s more than just the fiscally-challenged and politically-unpredictable environment of Oregon higher education; maybe it’s me?

In any event, here I am. One life challenge after another continues to appear, and I have to, everyday, figure out, “now what?”

I have written earlier about how to cope with life in an addictive organization. And I’ve suggested that the Four-Fold Way (namely, Be Present, Pay Attention, Tell the Truth, and Be Open to Outcome) provides a good set of guidelines to follow in managing the emotional minefield of a truly unhealthy workplace. As I continue to attempt to apply these principles to my day-to-day existence, I find life to be (still!) a never-ending challenge.

I continue to be present for, and pay attention to, the people who seek me out and want to talk about their struggles. I speak my own truth, privately and publicly. And, though mindful of the risk, I do my absolute best to maintain my integrity. I guess the most difficult Way of the four-fold, is that of surrender. I am thinking that since I have not let go of outcome (that is, I have not really surrendered to the forces of the universe), I continue to struggle mightily. My body is a mass of stress symptoms, tight as a knot because I am unable to let go. My mind can say, “surrender, Jim,” but, undeniably, there is some large and finite part of me that doesn’t know how.

If I could let go, I could relax. If I could relax, I could ease these symptoms. If I could ease these symptoms, I could let go. Round and round I go, where I stop, I still don’t know…

Slice of America

An attempt to represent a small, small slice of this country: the golden (weathered yellow?) arches; the flag; fresh snow in the hills. I found this shot on Tuesday morning as the countryside exhibited a newness and freshness not often experienced here; our little “storm” provided a thin, white blanket for the cold, cruel world.