I drove up to Eugene yesterday to do some shopping. What with all these interview invitations coming in, I thought I might treat myself to a slightly-updated wardrobe. I have two suits that I currently consider “interview quality,” but, still, it’s been a little while since I bought a new one. So what did I do? I splurged. The suit I found is just what I need and (ohmygod!) the most expensive item of clothing I’ve ever purchased. But, wow, do I look good! (I guess you’ll need to take my word for it!)
The only place I buy suits, slacks and sport coats these days is Men’s Wearhouse, so the drive north was necessary. Plus, it was a warm and sunny mid-winter day and a great time to get out of the house for a little road trip.
While in “the city,” of course, I couldn’t pass up a visit to the local Borders (why no apostrophe?). When I have one of those 30%-off certificates they regularly email me, it’s always so tempting to drop by and pick something up. This time, I wandered over to the just-released non-fiction section for some reason, and I found a title that immediately caught my eye: The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t. Now, you realize, I’ve just barely poked my nose into this work as of this moment…but, my first impression is that this is an extremely worthwhile book. Despite its rather pedestrian title, it was written by a Stanford University professor (of Management Science and Engineering) and offers up the latest research on workplace assholes.
Now, just what is a “workplace asshole” you ask? Ah, there are two tests (p. 9) to determine whether anybody you know is one:
Test One: After talking to the alleged asshole, does the “target” feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled? In particular, does the target feel worse about him or herself?
Test Two: Does the alleged asshole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful rather than those people who are more powerful?
I’m anxious to find out what the author (Robert I. Sutton, Ph.D.) has to say about such troublesome individuals, how to cope with them, and how to survive a workplace where one (or more) exists.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m Ever gonna make it home again. It’s so far and out of sight… I won’t be happy ’til I see You alone again. ’Til I’m home again and feelin’ right. I wanna be home again and feelin’ right.
It’s not a tremendously large secret that I’m actively engaged in a job search. And have been for quite awhile. After losing a long-time position through a painful institutional reorganization process in 2004, I’ve landed two successive “interim” positions while patiently (or, perhaps, not so) waiting for the “right” and “permanent” job to come along. (Is there such a thing?)
Ahhhh, but there appears to be, as I write this today, reason for optimism (!)…a quality that, I believe, is sometimes conspicuous by its absence in my writings and general life outlook. (Yes, I admit, I’ve often been discouraged.) Here’s the deal: in the last three days, I’ve received one interview invitation per day. This means, counting the recent interview experience I described late last month, that, out-of-the-chute this year, I’m (while mixing metaphors) batting a thousand (four-for-four) in terms of applications leading to interviews. (The other applications I currently have out are for positions that have not reached a closing date yet.) This is an incredible hot streak…and I’m eager to see where this all leads. As the situation stands now, I’m soon traveling to San Francisco (well, actually, San Bruno) and Albany (Oregon), as those interviews have been scheduled. The call I got today was for a position in Sacramento, and I’ve not yet decided whether to accept this trip.
I’m excited! And, while cautious, yes, I’m feelin’ right, right now.
Whatever is becoming of me? Am I turning into this stereotype of a curmudgeonly old fart, someone unrecognizable even to myself? Why is it I find myself engaging in some behaviors these days that would have seemed foreign even just a few years ago?
Or maybe, my actions today are because I’m actually healthy (and want to stay that way) and have little to do with curmudgeonliness?
I haven’t a clue…
Here’s the story.
I went out to a local coffee shop this morning to have a cup of tea and read the newspaper. This is one of (what I term) my “civilized behaviors.” Although I swore off coffee years ago, I have never really given up the coffee-house scene. I love going out in the morning and spending some time with a hot beverage and the morning’s newspaper. Today, I treated myself to the SundayOregonian.
This time, I also wanted something to eat. I had never ordered a bagel at this particular place before, so I asked the young man behind the counter what the choices were. Well, there were just three bagels left in the entire place at 9:30 a.m., as it turned out, but I asked that the blueberry bagel be toasted (and could I please have some cream cheese?). I watched while he first prepared my tea, then as he washed his hands before he unwrapped the bagel, sliced it, and put it in the toaster.
So far, so good, I thought.
As I sipped my tea from a seat across the room, I continued to watch as he left the toaster and began to wait on other customers. I observed him open the cash register and handle their money. Finally, when my bagel was ready, he turned around again, back to the counter, and with his bare hands lifted the bagel from the toaster. Then he put it on a plate and brought it over to me.
Which I, of course, refused.
Very calmly I told him that I appreciated the fact that he’d washed his hands before preparing the bagel, but that I’d seen him handle cash and then lift my bagel from the toaster…adding that, at the very least, he could have used tongs.
He was somewhat surprised at my words, I think, but immediately offered up, “yes, that was careless of me. How should we handle this?”
When he brought me back a heated muffin instead, he said, “one guaranteed germ-free muffin for you, sir.”
Groundhog Day. Yes, it’s that day…the (mostly laughable) holiday the movie inspired. I’m guessing there will be six more weeks of winter? (We have a choice?!)
In some respects, like Phil Connors (Bill Murray), I’m experiencing a sense of déjà vu all over again. Last year on this day, I wrote about an unstable work situation, spending all my free time looking for another job, having trouble sleeping, living a life alone, suffering with a muscular/nerve issue in my leg, and having virtually no time to pursue my art. (Question: is this blog “art?”) Well OK, now there’s a bunch of stuff (!)…and interestingly (well, for me at least), all of it is still going on right up to this present moment. Consequently I’m realizing, more and more, the wisdom of the saying, “wherever you go, there you are.”
Because: I’m now living in another city, inhabiting a totally new and different physical environment, and experiencing a quite-different (small-town) culture. And, yet, realistically, my life has not actually changed all that much. Today: truly déjà vu.
Here I am. For all practical purposes, in the same situation I’ve been in for some time. Well, other than, for four entire weeks, I’ve been focused on almost nothing else other than improving my health – which had declined to a really unacceptable level and necessitated a break from the routine.
I have to admit, though, my life is better now after having this unprecedented month-long hiatus to focus on self and to engage in an extended period of reflection. And to try to relax. I have not been “relaxed” for a long time. (Years, maybe? Perhaps never?) Insomuch as the muscular state of my body has been perpetually “tight” for as long as I can remember (at least since the time of my early 20s), I can honestly ponder the question: do I have any idea what it is to be relaxed? It may be that I have that particular human condition (relaxation) in my mind as an intellectual construct, but I don’t really know what it means from personal, lived experience.
In any event, I’ve worked on (or at least toward) relaxation for an entire month now, with a 45-minute period of each day devoted to meditation. For at least that portion of every day (sometimes longer), I’ve attempted to clear out random, fleeting thoughts from my mind and, quite simply, focus on the breath. (With varying degrees of success from day-to-day, I might add.) However, it has become a very important part of my existence, and I know that I need to find a way to continue on with this practice, even as I resume a more structured daily routine next week that includes a return to work and all its accompanying stresses.
Needless to say, I’ve paid a great deal of attention to my physical being this last month, as I’ve tirelessly dedicated myself to addressing the chronic-pain issues that have plagued me. I’ve mentioned previously many of the approaches I’ve utilized. And, this week, just yesterday, I added one more technique; I had a craniosacral therapy session for the first time ever. This method is, at this point, still pretty mysterious to me, but it “involves assessing and addressing the movement of the cerebrospinal fluid, which can be restricted by trauma to the body, such as through falls, accidents, and general nervous tension.” My therapist was very gentle, had good, warm hands, and very caringly applied (barely detectable) pressure to various parts of my head, neck and ears. As I left, she advised that my body would slowly be responding to the work over the next few days – and that I should come back in a couple of weeks for more attention. Apparently, there are significant issues here for me, and utilizing this kind of therapy may be instrumental in helping to further improve my condition. Honestly: I’ll do anything that works. Western medicine has helped me very little, and only alternative health-care providers have helped illuminate the path to greater health.
But, as much time and energy as I’ve devoted to my physical self, my spirit is what has really needed nurturing. I’m not sure that I had really reached a spiritual crisis crossroads, and I don’t know that what I’ve experienced lately would be labeled as “spiritual emergence” – perhaps we should just say that this particular health-crisis interlude has led to a spiritual surge. Yes, that sounds about right.
Like everyone, I believe I’m seeking happiness in life. Rarely, though, have I found it. However, if I can keep reminding myself that health and happiness are not really destinations, but that they can only be found moment-by-moment, then, perhaps, I can live more fully.
Lasting progress doesn’t happen in a few dramatic moments, but hour by hour, day by day. And as time passes, every process includes repairs: The road to happiness is always under construction. Focus on taking life one step at a time until you get it right; set aside what you can do later. When discipline and patience join forces, they become a persistence that endures past the peaks and valleys to carry intentions to completion. Enthusiasm sets the pace, but persistence reaches the goal. Process, patience, and persistence are keys that unlock the doorway to any destination. (pp. 31-32) Dan Millman in The Laws of Spirit
If I were a believer in the concept of an infinite number of alternate, parallel universes (and there certainly are moments when I do believe), then, in at least one of them, I would be accepting a job at the state’s flagship (as they like to think of themselves, anyway) university this week. However, as it turns out, I live in this version of the world, and I’m still here.
Yep. Roseburg. Still.
Welcome to “reality,” TechnoMonk.
The reason that I’m, at this very moment, preparing for departure for Eugene, in some other universe, is that I had a quite-positive interview experience there last Monday as a finalist for a high-level position in Academic Affairs. Of course, I mentioned this very possibility in an entry here last month, as I marked the beginning of a new job-search season for myself. I had a successful telephone interview three weeks ago, then was subsequently moved along and invited to campus as a finalist.
Ah, but the job-search world is such a quirky and unpredictable one! The process is different at each institution, and the outcome is never to be counted upon. The advice in the job-search game is the same that I got from a wise friend when I was going through my divorce (a lifetime ago it seems!): “expect the unexpected.”
This time, interestingly enough, I didn’t lose out to another candidate. I was told that, after interviewing the three finalists, the decision was to not fill the position at this time. Well, ok, so they didn’t like me; and they didn’t like those other folks as well! This is a truly amazing result, given the storyline that evolved during the interview process about how desperate they were to fill this position. But remember: expect the unexpected. Then it all makes sense. (Well, maybe?)
[The comparisons between this search and the last high-level university position I was a finalist for are striking. In that case as well, the decision was to not hire anyone at that time. What gives here, anyway?]
Life is change. I had developed a version of the world that had me moving back to a university environment and a city I call home. This change, however, existed only in my mind. Yes, my mind is my predicament. I didn’t get what I want.
If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever. Your mind is your predicament. It wants to be free of change, free of pain, free of obligations of life and death. But change is a law, and no amount of pretending will alter that reality. (p. 51)
